I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
