Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
