so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
