I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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