im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
