Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
