I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
