I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
