Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
