I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
