I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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