Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
