Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
