Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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