if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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