This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
