You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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