apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize