Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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