Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
