This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
