i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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