My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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