I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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