You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The ass gains better be worth it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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