I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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