Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
