This is not my ceiling
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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