i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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