and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
