went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
