He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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