she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
