Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
