my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
