if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
