Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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