i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
