why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
third nipple confirmed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
