Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
