Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
