Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
