I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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