Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
