Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Less talking, more tequila
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
