My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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