There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
