just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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