@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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