hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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