we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
