i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
