you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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