Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Congratulations! We have a period
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