you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
