please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
