I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Randomize
