Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
