She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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