Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
